


Hurry the Fuck Up, Cloud Strife!

by ono_o



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Anxiety Attacks, Claustrophobia, Gen, Nightmares, No Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Young Cloud Strife, Young Sephiroth (Compilation of FFVII)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ono_o/pseuds/ono_o
Summary: It began with a hit on the head and small, yet undeniably pleasant dreams. Dreams where everything seemed to be working backwards, yes, but pleasantly warm and happy dreams. Of family, of friends, of... flowers and light and peace.They were a fortunate escape from a young Cloud's lonely life.Until the nightmares. And the daytime visions. And the inexplicable urge to do... things that Cloud's mind couldn't even begin to understand let alone consider. About people, about places, about himself.Sometimes he could follow the urges, and sometimes they just left a sad, bitter echo of a call in the back of his mind. What could he do as a literal child? But it never stopped.A call to save. A call to protect. And a call to hurry the ever loving fuck up.
Comments: 53
Kudos: 73





	1. A very minor trip

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This story isn't planned out very well and something I decided to write on a whim. I have a notorious history of abandoning stories, so please enjoy it while you can! I'll do my best to continue as far as possible.
> 
> [ ] -> imagery/sound effects

Claudia was easily overwhelmed - sensitive to the point that outsiders believed nothing shook her because nothing mattered to her. Sometimes, she believed it too.

But today was not one of those days.

[CRACK]

The bone-chilling sound rose through the village, followed shortly be a familiar scream. A scream that was cut off too quickly.

A cold chill surged through the mother and in an instant her hands were empty and she was outside, head whipping 'round to spot her boy.

There, by the water tower, lay his distinctive blond hair.

''Cloud!" She called vainly, already knowing he wouldn't answer. When she came closer, she could hardly restrain the violent tremors in her knees and chest.

Cloud's tiny four year old body was only visible because of his hair. The rest of him was hidden by dull, undoubtedly heavy metal. Unmoving. Unconscious. Bleeding. From his head.

''S-ss-'' Her words were left as faints whisps in her throat. Knees buckled and her hands desperately shoved upwards against the circular metal plate. It didn't take too long to realize it wasn't going to budge.

''Someone help!'' The words tore from her throat before she thought them.

If one thing went right, it was that the crash was loud enough for everybody to notice. Three hands were at her side in an instant.

''Up in three!" Someone said, the words filtering into nothing in her mind because she was already trying so desperately to _lift the fucking piece of metal off her Cloud-_

At the slight groan metal and men and the revealing of the rest of Cloud's body, Claudia let go and swept her baby into her arms. He made no sound, looking blankly at nothing, but his eyes were open now and that was enough to slightly lessen the tsunami of paralyzing fuzz in Claudia's head. Slightly. 

''Claudia, bring him to Quie!" A voice snapped her from her shock and she scrambled to her feet. The former medic was already holding his door open, though she nearly tripped on his crutches.

''Take a deep breath," He instructed and helped lay Cloud onto the bed, who promptly closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

_There was nothing particularly special about today, and even that sent relief through him. Just him and Denzel and Marlene at the Church, waiting for Tifa to clean up the bar._

Marlene? Denzel? Who're they?

And Tifa... I know Tifa.

A cheeky thought crossed his mind as Cloud looked at the girl with straight black hair and the curly-headed brunet.

Are those his kids?

His thoughts were dragged back to the scenery.

_Warm brown walls. A music box in the corner, slowly churning out a tune that flooded the area with an almost childish grace. Beaming, glittering light from above making a spotlight on an equally dazzling ring of flowers around a pristine pond._

The scene made confusing emotions settle in him. Not that they were actually confusing for _him_ in the dream, but too complex for his toddler mind to understand.

His eyes seemed about to burst with tears. His chest, too. A melange of pain and longing and joy that made him want to grin, to break out into laughter, to cry and sob and embrace his friends and kids and Aerith and Zack, even if only metaphorically. Not that he knew what metaphorically meant.

 _Slowly, a smile spread across his lips._ Slowly, a smile spread across his lips.

_'Thank you, Aerith, for everything.'_

* * *

When the small droplets escaped Cloud's eyes, Claudia wiped her own and embraced him as tightly as she dared. The boy froze, suddenly waking up, then quickly reacted and melted into her arms.

''Ma... Ma!" He moaned and nestled his face deeper into her neck. Claudia tentatively pulled him upright in her lap, sweeping him anxiously for whatever was hurting him.

''Cloud, I'm here, where does it hurt?" She muttered, only recieving 'Ma's and whimpers in reply.

Hobbling on one foot, Quie ushered the boy out of her arms and back on the bed. A panicked whine escaped Cloud's mouth and he scrambled blindly for his mom's hand, who gladly offered it despite her shaking.

Eyes darting between the roughly-wound bandages around Cloud's head and the dazed look he gave the ceiling, Claudia spared to glance towards the medic. ''He's hurt, right? Oh Gaia, oh Gaia..."

''No, no, not badly," The man returned in a calm voice, rubbing the hysterical woman's back. ''The bleeding looked much worse than it was. He might have a minor concussion. More stunned than anything; Claudia, he'll be fine.''

Which seemed to be true, because shortly afterwards Cloud slowly refocused and turned his teary eyes to his mom.

''Cloud, are you okay?" It took everything in her to be strong, to not alarm her clearly confused boy. His expression didn't change from his tearful, sorrowful one, which made her task all that much more difficult.

''Can you hear us? It's Quie and your Ma," the medic supplied, fishing for a more useful answer. Cloud slowly relaxed and nodded, making Claudia burst into tears all over again.

''Are you dizzy, kiddo?" Quie tried to soothe both of them with a distraction. Another nod. ''Okay, just lay down for a bit. You can talk to your Ma.''

The two adults shared meaningful glances towards one another as Quie stepped outside the room.

As soon as they were alone, Claudia gathered Cloud into another long hug. She rocked him until they were both calm - and by calm, she was satisfied with 'heavily hiccuping with silent tears' 

She helped him sit up a bit, propping her arm and pillows beneath his back. ''Do you feel okay? What happened?"

Cloud let out a few shuddering gasps and whimpers before answering in a very uncharacteristically quiet voice, ''Can I go back?"

Her eyebrows furrowed in concern. A mother's paranoid concern, she knew, but that didn't make it go away.

''Go where? Did someone take you up there? Were you pushed?"

The boy cocked his head slightly, then winced at a bout of dizziness. ''What pushed?"

''You... you fell off the watertower...'' Claudia trailed off, forcing herself to take a deep breath and squish her feelings to a numb pancake.

''Watertower? There was no watertower. I was... Ma, can I go back there...?"

''Go where?" She repeated. She only got an even more confused, sorrowful look in return (a look that she decided was _horrible_ on a four year old's face, let alone her own).

Cloud looked to the floor, tears starting to drip again. His voice was a whisper, an afterthought that parroted whatever was running through that little mind of his. ''The flowers... kids... Aerith...''

* * *

After checking in with Quie one more time and tucking Cloud in back home to rest, Claudia thought she'd had enough stress for the day. Until the door knocked the familiar rhythm of Mayor Lockhart.

She hurriedly opened it and let him in. ''Come in, Brian.''

''Hello Mrs. Strife," He said in a low voice, cautiously aware of Cloud soft breathing hidden behind a thin wall.

Quickly pouring some coffee, she ushered him to the kitchen table, her tics causing her to wince every few seconds.

''Is your son okay?" Brian said to ease the silence.

''Oh, Quie said he's alright, but Cloud's just sleeping it off, that little troublemaker," She laughed nervously.

''Well, kids his age are practically invincible, running over themselves and managing to get back up.'' He sighed, slowly folding his hands. ''But troublemaker, indeed. It seems the part that fell on him was the water filter, and we have no spares at the moment.''

Claudia's eyes widened. The filter was the most important part of the tower, obviously. And with how isolated Nibelheim was from Midgar...

''That... means it'll be at least a week or two before a new one, right?" Claudia felt faint. The population of Nibelheim wasn't huge, sure, but there were also no resource supplements aside from whatever was around Mount Nibel. And she wasn't sure if those were more or less clean than the now non-filtered rainwater in the watertower. ''Are you sure you can't salvage it?"

Brian shook his head. ''I'm not sure who did the last inspection, but they neglected to notify us that it was way due for a replacement. The nasty fall did it in for good.''

''Ah...''

''I'm not sure what Cloud did to it, but he was the last one to touch it. It's too coincidental for it to fall the one time he decides to climb it, no?"

Claudia hung her head shamefully. ''Yes, that makes sense. I'm so sorry, I should have been watching him more carefully.''

 _Then again, it was a disaster waiting to happen. And 'not sure who was last to inspect it', hm? Wouldn't be so eager to accuse if it had been any other kid._ But Claudia bit back the ferocious thoughts. She and Lockhart could pass the blame however they wanted - it didn't change the fact that the rest of the town would probably run out of water if they didn't get a replacement part. She had to be a mature adult now, not an anxiety-ridden teenager with a baby and a dead husband. She had to help people through this crisis.

''I'll help pay for it," She offered quietly. ''And I'll tell the others, too. If we're careful, we can last the two weeks.''

''The kids won't appreciate the lack of showers, but I appreciate your offer," Lockhart joked mildly. ''I'll gather some people to search around Nibel just in case.''


	2. It was the showers, huh

Cloud strained his neck to peek into his neighbour's -- THE Tifa Lockhart's -- window. She was, as usual, surrounded by the rest of the town's kids. And they were (purposefully, he decided) sitting on the windowsill to block his view.

He considered calling out so Tifa would notice him outside. Maybe she'd invite him in, and maybe he could finally play with everyone...

 _No,_ he shook his head. That wasn't a good idea. That's not even an idea. They never wanted to play with him, not even when Tifa invites him. All they do is snicker and glare and not-so-subtly whisper something about the old watertower and showers. He didn't understand anything of what they were implying, only that he'd done something for them to collectively isolate him. 

_'Oh, sure, like you don't remember. There's no way we forgot your stink after those weeks.'_ Their past snickers echoed clearly in his mind.

_'You did it on purpose, liar!'_

Liar. For everything Cloud was, he was not a liar. It hurt-- no, it made him mad that they'd call him a liar. He wasn't a stickler for the rules, yeah, but lying... never! It'd never occured to him. Too complicated to keep up and brought more problems than solutions.

Eyes prickling at his recollections, Cloud clenched his fists and pointedly walked away. He startled Ma when he slammed the door closed, though, so he took a deep breath and whispered a small 'sorry' while rushing over to the small potted plant beside his bed.

Ignoring his Ma's staring, he started talking to 'Aerith'. The pink little flower's soil was a bit dry, so he fetched his pail and watered it.

Sometimes Cloud worried that his mom was sick of him talking to Aerith. Maybe sick of him even talking about Aerith. He was six, for goodness sake! But maybe Ma didn't mind either, since she helped teach him how to take care of flowers and let him talk about Aerith whenever he had a really bad day. And pink was a bit of an embarrassing color for him, but he didn't really mind because... well, it was Aerith. 

Most of all, it didn't really matter what the other kids thought about it. Thinking about his flower made him think about the Aerith in his dreams, and then that pleasantly complex mix of emotions would easily lull him away to visit his peaceful, friend-filled life. 

With one arm under his head and the other slowly inspecting Aerith's petals, he closed his eyes.

He wondered that maybe, since in his dreams (which he insisted weren't just dreams) he had lots of friends, there was no problem with him. The other kids in town were the problem, not him. A little gnat kept telling him that wasn't true, though, so he tried not to think about it that way.

Slowly but surely, Cloud forgot about the day's trials and slept.

* * *

He was in a pool, laughing lightly and smiling.

_'Everything will be okay. I'm not alone. Not anymore.'_

Children surrounded him, most bearing wild, eager looks and their arms half-submerged in the familiar pond's water.

Which was a bit strange, because before now Cloud had never seen anybody wade into the pond. It seemed almost... sacrilegious to do so. But right now, right here, it seemed like the perfectly right thing to do. It made him proud. It would be a sin him to bar the kids from the water right now. 

Water dripped off his skin, his clothes, his hair. Droplets leapt back towards the children's hands like grasshoppers. And everybody walked backwards, stilted like his toy robot. And he felt his composure waver at the sight of two people he knew as 'Zack' and 'Aerith'.

In the dream _he_ was so happy. So relieved. Unburdened. But Cloud couldn't help the feeling that... it didn't look quite right. He'd never seen Aerith and Zack until now, and it felt like they were already saying goodbye. Seeing them immediately tore the fragile safety net in his heart. He should wake up, now, soon, right this instant.

And then the scene shifted strangely. Smooth and continuous, without any jumps in time. Yet every movement felt disjointed and twisted and _wrong_. Foreign emotions, all in the wrong order, derailed from their natural progression, flooded him and overrode any coherent thought. A detachment from the dream _him_. Thoughts and feelings so foreign it was like a spoonful of bleach shoved down his throat, except the pain echoed everywhere from in his head.

By the time Cloud vaguely deduced everything was moving backwards - was being rewinded in some cruel parody of his peaceful escape from reality - his mind and body were bombarded with the sensation of _painpainpain_.

Without time to gasp, scream, or pass out, he floated through darkness and light, hardly registering yet experiencing too clearly the conversation between Zack and Aerith in that comforting (no, painful! Get me out!) white blankness. And then the small bullet flew back through his chest. And then... Kadaj? Whoever it was, silver-haired and baby-faced. Dying in his arms. Then him transforming (or, in this case, reverting) to a taller, notably not-baby-faced yet still silver-haired individual.

His throat seized and breaths came out in pants somewhere between 'trying to shut the fuck up so he doesn't find you' and 'oh Gaia I'm going to die anyways'. His head swam but his vision never faltered - it became more crisp, more analyzing, and _his_ mid-battle thoughts roared mercilessly. That someone (it almost felt like some-thing) so utterly terrifying, both in and out of his dream, that he couldn't help whisper his name.

''Sephiroth-"

And then the sword slid in and out of his chest.

* * *

Cloud felt more than heard the scream tear itself from his throat. Claudia heard it too, repeating and imagining the shredding, painful, almost gurgling sound in her own mind.

She quite literally dropped everything - even the knife in her hand - and quietly cursed as she dodged its descent. Whipping around, wild eyes immediately landed on the source of the bloodcurdling shriek.

Cloud had rolled from his sleeping position onto his knees, on the floor, trembling and gasping and pressing his forehead so intensely against the ground she swore it would bruise and his hands clutched tightly together at his chest, like he'd slit them on something, but there was no blood.

And between his screams he'd devolved to incoherent babble.

''Nononono- let- let go! Stop! Zh-'' He couldn't get a grip, couldn't register anything but the searing blade in his chest. Couldn't breathe, because that made the sword slide in deeper, couldn't get his feet back on the ground, and that made the double-edged sword press up in his chest so relentlessly he was sure he'd be cut in half, and even if he tried to lift his own weight he only succeeded in cutting up his palms, now he couldn't even get a proper grip on Tsurugi and it was slipp

Something warm and comforting lifted him and pressed him against its chest into a hug. But he still couldn't breathe. Didn't dare open his eyes. Never even thought of letting go of the imaginary sword between his lungs - in fact, squeezed harder if only to prevent the sword from stabbing the source of warmth too.

''Cloud, honey!" The poorly-restrained panic in the words finally shot through the ringing sound of _death and dying_ in his ears.

Firm but shaking hands took his, slowly released the tension in his muscles by pulling them away from his chest. He was only sobbing and whimpering now, any screams having shredded the rest of his voice. He desperately clung to the feeling of warmth, of pressure, of reality.

His hands were not around a blade. They were in Ma's. His hands unclasped themselves.

He wasn't be hefted off the ground in paralyzing agony. He was on a wooden floor, wrapped in Ma's embrace. She smelled sweet too, wearing her familiar apron. His shoulders slumped over.

He wasn't alone on a high tower, facing Sephiroth, who should've already been twice-dead. He was with Ma, and his flower was sitting safely on his night table, and they were all in his house, and the scent of dinner slowly permeated his senses. And it wasn't gloomy or overcast outside... the sun was just starting to set.

He curled over again, but this time more in exhaustion than anything else. Ma continued to rub his back, to speak comforting, grounding words through her vocal and facial tics. She was real. She was alive. Somewhere between falling asleep and waking up, he'd been sure she was dead. 

And suddenly, he was a bit afraid to go to sleep tonight.

* * *

Cloud had never been a quiet person. _When_ they decided to talk to him, of course. A bit shy, but with earnestness and passion that Claudia was eager to see when he was grown up.

But lately, she noticed his silence. He never spoke about Aerith anymore with the spark and pep and joy in his high, boyish voice. He never smiled and mumbled in his sleep anymore. She doubted he even slept properly.

Whereas that first nightmare had been loud and desperate, the rest that followed were quiet. No screaming and thrashing. Instead, Cloud turned deathly pale, whimpered, held his breath every other, and twitched so much she thought for a second her tics were genetic.

But every time he came out of it, he was shaking. When she tried to talk to him - tried to know what was tormenting him and maybe convince him there was nothing wrong - he only buried his head deeper, clammed up, and sunk into an anxiety attack. Gaia knows what that felt like.

Six year olds should _not_ be having anxiety attacks.

Claudia tried. She talked to Quie first, but he didn't have any clue how to help. He could only teach her how to bring him down from an episode, not prevent them.

She talked to the old ladies, who always seemed to have something to say about her parenting. But as soon as Cloud was brought in to talk about his nightmares, his knees clamped stiff, his jaw clenched, and his eyes glazed over as if he were having one right in front of them. Not long after, everybody believed Cloud had suffered some curse from the Goddess.

She could only help him ride the episode out, then. Could only have a cold cup of water at the ready. Could only wipe away his tears. Could only fetch the heaviest blanket around to throw over his head. Could only whisper 'I love you, Cloud' and 'I'm right here with you'.

Sometimes those words horrified him more than soothed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Wutai war starts when Sephiroth is 12 and Cloud is 6. Hmmmm


	3. Tiger balm fixes everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was intense. Have a lovely mom-son chapter to take a break. And if you're feeling dizzy, smell some tiger balm. It's literally magic.

A year later, at the grand age of seven, it was clear that these episodes weren't going away. In fact, they weren't limited to his sleep anymore.

The rumor of the Goddesses' curse had only multiplied. At this point, Claudia didn't really doubt whether it was true or not. 

_Something_ was targeting her boy, and she'd do anything to curse them back. Yes, even Gaia herself. Her Strife name might finally earn its keep, and this time not pointed towards those who hold it.

She sighed, trying to focus on dusting the shelves again. Cloud was doing somersaults and cartwheels and who-knows-what behind her. 

His landings were punctuated by not-soft-sounding thuds, yet she brushed aside her worry. He'd promised to build some contraption with the various cushions lying around and, like Brian had said those years ago, kids seemed physically invincible. Emotional, not so much. Now that she was paying close attention to her son, that was a safe conclusion she reached.

Besides, the exercise was good for him. The kids shunned Cloud more than ever (a problem she regretted not addressing sooner), and he never wandered out far enough that he couldn't quickly reach the relief of his heavy blankets.

Their life was still difficult and oftentimes paralleled a minefield waiting to be triggered. She had to tiptoe around certain topics, shut the TV off before any mention of the Wutai reached his ears, and keep him physically busy enough for him to be distracted.

But it was better than sitting by and doing nothing. Better than selfishly nursing her own comfort and leaving her son to try and stumble through some semblance of a normal childhood. Better than watching the loneliness and despair, all too mature for his age, pool around the depths of his heart.

''Ma, are you done yet?" Cloud complained, buzzing everywhere around her ladder. 

''Just one more shelf,'' She called from above. ''You can start getting the seeds, though.''

An eager 'yipee' tore through the door and outside the house to the shed. She allowed herself a small chuckle.

Give Cloud something to concentrate on, and he wouldn't have to worry about some stupid curse.

The moment she stepped outside, a small paper packet was shoved into her hands. Tomato seeds, it said. Some of the more superstitious of the townsfolk had them imported for Cloud's birthday. It was admittedly a nice gesture, if only it wasn't because some believed Cloud's condition to be more a blessing and message than a curse and punishment.

Without another word Cloud raced to empty planters behind the house, crouching and barely keeping himself in his skin by the time she caught up.

''I read the instructions!" He said. ''It said make a hole one-eight inch deep.''

He looked expectantly at her, clearly waiting for her to explain what an inch was.

She smiled awkwardly at him. She was a country bumpkin like him, and maybe even less educated. At her time, there wasn't as great of a community effort to teach the next generation. She could only read; Cloud could write and do double-digit math.

''We don't need to be exact," She decided to explain it the way her grandpa had taught her. She held a finger up and gestured from the tip to the first bend. ''You only need to dig this deep.''

She poked the soil as an example and dropped a seed inside, then squished the surrounding soil to bury it. Cloud took the packet from her and copied the motion.

''It's a bit cold up here, but tomatoes are strong," She explained while he worked, glancing at his face in satisfaction. The big grin settled on his face mixed with his concentrated squinting. The type of look that could charm anybody watching, if only anybody cared to spare her boy a proper look.

When all the seeds were planted and thoroughly talked to, Cloud relaxed, sat back, and hugged her. She returned it, squeezing him proudly until he squeaked with laughter.

''You should thank the old ladies for the seeds," She said softly. His brow furrowed a bit in worry.

''Can you come with me?" His eyes darted between the houses on the other side of town and his plants, as if measuring (and deciding he disliked) the distance.

She tilted her head and sighed in empathy. He was nervous, of course, that he'd get distracted enough that an episode would sneak up on him. But he'd have to relearn his independence someday.

Claudia fished a few small, glass, hexagonal tubs from her pocket. Each had a bronze-colored lid they both recognized.

''The magical ointment," She teased, holding it up like it was an extraordinary artifact, watching his expression slack a little, ''fixes anxiety and headaches and even daymares. While you're at it, let the grandmas rub some on their knees, okay?"

She shoved it into his hands. Cloud looked at the jars, the brilliant smile returning to his face. He'd feel safer with something that could reliably ground him.

''Okay! But... aren't these hard to get?"

Claudia piled him into another hug. ''It's okay because they're for you. Happy birthday, Cloud.''


	4. Death of a soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates may slow down depending on how sleep-deprived I am from school (and from, er, staying up until 2 AM). Enjoy!

Cloud was giving her that look again. The way he'd get up and pace aimlessly, stop, turn to her meaningfully, then go back to pacing. It could go on for hours, she secretly mused.

The boy resembled his father so much, even if they only got a year together. Their mannerisms and fidgeting, and even the way they kept their most hefty thoughts to themselves.

Claudia sighed, shooting a few encouraging and inquiring looks his way. It was April, so she already knew what he wanted. She just wanted him to learn to speak up. 

Finally, he opened his mouth. ''Ma, can we, uh... the bridge. It's...'' Suddenly losing his courage, his voice trailed off.

 _Not safe and you can't go by yourself,_ her mind completed for him. It was April, and he always got anxious in April.

''Is it the dreams?" She pushed, trying to fish for a more detailed answer like Quie had taught her. 

Cloud nodded hesitantly, face tipped down and flushed with shame. ''I- unless you're busy. I can... sorry...''

''Oh, Cloud, don't worry about anything.'' She smiled brightly. ''Let me grab a stick, then we can go. You'll feel better.''

He nodded meekly again, slipped into his boots, then waited silently by the door. He was trying desperately to be strong, lifting his chin and stopping the tremors in his arms when she took his hand.

Claudia walked them at a casual pace up Mount Nibel, one hand on a sturdy stick and the other caressing the back of Cloud's palm. There weren't many wolves and monsters prowling the trails today, and the ones that approached got a prominent whack on the muzzle.

Finally, they reached the bridge. Like it was routine, Cloud shuffled on his knees to the corner of the cliff and peered over the edge, fingers white-tipped from his tight grip. She watched his episode calmly. His eyes seemed to follow some bouncing trail from the middle of the bridge to ledges, back and forth down to the very bottom. At the end he released a shaky breath, scooted a safer distance from the gaping canyon, then rested his forehead against the dirt. He wasn't shaking and he wasn't crying, his hands only lightly cupped around his head. His eyes were closed and his face pale, but there was no helping that.

She swooped in and rubbed his back proudly. ''That was good, Cloud. You're okay, that was good. I'm here.''

* * *

After dinner, Cloud found himself outside again, staring up at Tifa's window with a little pout. The town had been all but up in pitchforks, nervous energy buzzing high. He had no clue why; he'd spent most of the day with Ma checking on the bridge and trying to reason through escalating waves of dread.

He couldn't explain why he felt this way, every April, every September. Well, he could. It was the dreams. It's always the stupid dreams, and nightmares, and visions, or whatever the other stupid kids called them.

 _'You shouldn't swear,'_ Ma's voice chided.

But he still didn't know _why_. Didn't know why April always made him so jittery. Didn't know why he checked the calendar four times a day: once in the morning, once during noon, once after dinner, and finally before going to bed. Didn't know why he kept checking if Tifa was at her window.

Doing this felt uncomfortable. Tifa was probably uncomfortable. She probably didn't like him because of how creepy he knew it felt. Just like the other kids said-- _No, they're wrong! I'm not trying to be creepy! Not like that! It's just..._

He knew he looked like a total weirdo. It only gave the other kids more ammo to shoot him with. Only gave Mr. Lockhart more reason to look at him like he hadn't taken a bath in days, disgusting and filthy and an animal that shouldn't be allowed in his house.

He couldn't stop. Looking away made the anxiety surge, pouncing on his mind like Nibel wolves in the winter. 

It never had a voice. Maybe if it did... he couldn't distinguish his voice and its voice, anyway. It was always talking, pushing, _insisting_ like the old grandmas in town.

_'Cloud, protect Tifa.'_

He would've even if it didn't tell him to. He wanted to be friends with Tifa... but not like this. He knew it wasn't natural - nobody else made friends just by hoping and wishing - but he couldn't stop.

Cloud felt there was something deeply wrong. He wanted to be friends with her, and hug her, and tell her everything was going to be okay, and that he was _sorry_. He didn't know what for.

_'For being too late, too weak. For not stopping her.'_

And he wanted to keep her company. Somehow, he knew she was lonely. Even if he knew she didn't like him (who would like somebody so messed up?), he knew he needed to... 'be there' for her somehow. Not that he'd ever had experience doing that.

Part of him always doubted himself, always denied the gut-wrenching dread. 

Tifa wasn't lonely... all the other kids adored her. She laughed and played with them. And nothing had gone wrong yet. Everything was as boring and usual as ever in Nibelheim. _Except for me._

Everything funneled down and focused on him all at once. Cloud narrowed his eyes and pointedly thought _'that's enough'_ , turned around, and ran back to his bed, eager to burrow himself under his safe covers.

He swore he caught a glimpse of Tifa, hunched over on a chair, hands burying her face, crying, sad, terrified.

* * *

Everyone was up and hustling by the time Cloud woke. Ma easily caught his confused glance, shaking her head slowly.

''Tifa's mom... died. Yesterday.'' She said, and Cloud knew she watched his confusion morph into horror.

'' _That's_ what was suppo-!?" He blurted, then promptly snapped his jaw shut. He couldn't bring himself to look anywhere but the folded hands in his lap, willing them to stop trembling and failing miserably.

_It can't, it can't!_

''Cloud, breathe," Ma's gentle hands wrapped around his shoulders. He tried to inhale normally, hitching halfway through and he choked instead.

''You knew?" And her tone wasn't accusing. Was not flat, like she was hiding her emotions. Was kind, and open, and understanding like he could never imitate.

He jerked his chin in response, flying into her arms as soon as she opened them. He was sniffling and shuddering, too afraid to speak _why_ he knew.

''I'm sorry, Cloud, I should've noticed," Ma said, her own voice quivering. ''You... you felt something bad, right?"

Another nod, then tears started leaking. Slow and silent, unlike the roaring ebb and flow of his guilt. 

''Oh, Cloud...'' She hummed, rocking him gently and reassuring him the only way words couldn't.

* * *

The adults gathered all the kids and threw festivities. Some used it as an excuse to drink more, and most of them spent their concentration on cheering up and comforting the kids.

A death in a village like Nibelheim, where everyone is close-knit despite their disagreements, hit hard. Death left a hole in everybody's heart.

So Cloud spent his day being pushed into playing with Tifa's group. Today they humored his lowly existence and invited him up to her room, even though he swore he heard them arguing about it for ten minutes.

Tifa, understandably, was upset. She was curled in the corner of her room by an upright piano. The others hovered and chattered around her, but the entire time she seemed frozen with her head tucked between her knees and arms.

 _She's scared,_ Cloud eventually realized.

At one point, after everyone had finished roasting and eating their s'mores, the old ladies started telling stories.

''On the other side of the mountain," Grandma Bell started, ''is the most beautiful place in the world. There's waterfalls and bright green trees, and the most relaxing hot spring you'll ever find.

''When someone in Nibelheim dies, they go to travel there. Up and through Mount Nibel. And no monster - not even a Nibel dragon, can touch them - because they are destined to be rest peacefully.''

A certain look crossed Tifa's face, but Cloud wasn't fast enough to identify it. It almost seemed like a hallucination, with how quickly it came and passed.

* * *

_His eyes nervously tracked Tifa. His feet felt unsteady beneath him. A gust blew by, forcing him to crouch and rebalance._

_[Creak]_

_The wind wouldn't stop and now he was swaying unsteadily, the lag in movement between his feet, knees, and upper body making his stomach tumble. He couldn't think about himself now, though!_

_''Tifa!"_

_[Groan]_

_''Tifa, wait!"_

_[Snap]_

_It echoed like the crack of a whip, following his ears even as his vision blurred and his stomach sang of an empty, painful _falling_._

_The chaos and flood of sensation overwhelmed him. For an eternity and an instant he was tucked in a protective ball, knees and arms and elbows snagging and scraping and bleeding as he roughly tumbled downwards._

_Eventually, finally, silence - the exhausted type after a period of loudness. And for a second he just breathed._

__I'm alive...?_ _

_His throat felt clogged in the heavy dust settling around him. He groped in his temporary blindness, coughing and searching. His knees stung with every stretch and pull, his palms burned furiously, pebbles and sand irritating raw flesh._

_''Tifa...''_

Cloud knew what this was. He'd felt it every time he visited the...

_The bridge!_

He shot awake and was out of his bed. The door flew open and his bare feet quickly found traction on rough soil.

_He followed the group from a distance. They were whining and complaining, trying to talk Tifa into getting back to town. She was too determined._

Cloud's lungs burned and his ankle throbbed mercilessly. He'd forgotten he couldn't run as fast as in his dreams.

There was no time to stop. He shook his head and glared at the path ahead, trying to focus and clear his head. Three figures slowly moved towards him.

_One by one, they quit. They were too tired and too hungry to continue._

Leaving Tifa vulnerable, alone. Anger surged up his body and he nearly yelled at the boys as he passed them.

Now wasn't the time.

''Go get help!" He snapped instead, not bothering to stop.

He had to hurry. She was going to get hurt. _And it'd be his fault, because he brought her up the mountain, and wasn't strong enough to save her. How dare he. How dare he show his face around her. Leave his daughter alone._

The slope eventually evened out. Cloud spotted the small figure, with her fists clenched in determination, approaching the bridge.

''Tifa, wait! Wait! It's not... not safe!" He cried between pants. Air wasn't filing his lungs properly and he had to lean over, putting more weight on his legs, gasping and heaving.

Out of his swimming vision he saw Tifa stop and turn around. 

Cloud couldn't keep his head up. His limbs stung with wounds that weren't there. The ground flickered and overlapped like mist. There were two Tifas: one crouching in front of him, the other walking across the bridge.

''Cloud? Are you okay? How did you find me?''

''Tifa, wait, you can't..." He rasped out. He paused to take a breath, then continued. ''The bridge will break. The others- why aren't they with you?"

Tifa pouted and her brow furrowed angrily, spinning back to face the bridge. ''They didn't want to come with me. But I'm going. I want to see Mom.''

His hand whipped up vainly to reach for her. ''Wait! I just said-"

''You can't stop me!" She stomped. ''I'm going to see Mom, and you can't stop me! The others already tried, and they gave up!"

Cloud wouldn't have believed his ears and eyes. Tifa, usually so confident and cheerful, was crying. Was crying her anger and hurt and betrayal.

 _'Tifa, that's just a story,'_ he wanted to say, but he knew better. He understood why she was so determined, outraged, and _scared_.

''Your mom... you won't find her here," The words were gentle, like Ma when he missed Aerith too badly. ''You miss her, right?"

He pushed down his amazement when she cried harder and fell to the ground, curling up into a tight ball.

''Then... then where?! I want to see her again... why did she leave?!" Tifa choked out.

A vision flooded him again. A bar, crushed cement, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie, Sector 7.

Cloud turned his eyes to the floor, crushed by the grief and tears that wormed into him. Slowly, he wrapped his arm around Tifa. Rocked her lightly, even though they were the same height. Cradled her head, and rubbed her back. Allowed her to cry in his shoulder.

''Nobody ever leaves," He said, voice a slow, deliberate whisper. ''They're never gone. They don't come back, but they never leave forever. And you're never alone. Friends and family... they love you. Even if you do bad things. Even after they die.''

Every word he knew in his heart. Engrained. Precious. Even if they didn't come from himself.

Tifa was hiccupping uncontrollably, yet still managed to send a disbelieving hum. ''And... and how do _you_ know?''

''I...'' He didn't know. It was something _he_ knew. But how could he tell her that? ''Tifa... be strong. Nobody dies until you forget them, okay?"

A fresh wave of tears wracked Tifa's body. ''I won't, I won't... I promise I won't forget Mom.''

Cloud let himself cry, too.

* * *


	5. Like the plague

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter... spent most of my writing time planning/brainstorming.

It was night and overcast - perfect for the mountain's notorious wolves to hunt down two unsuspecting children.

So, Cloud and Tifa stayed where they stopped, just by the bridge. They were huddled together, partially for warmth, and partially because they knew it would turn awkward if they let go.

Minutes felt like hours. Tifa could only stare down at the path, waiting for any sign of somebody.

''They'll come, right?" She asked, voice pinched with worry. Cloud gave no answer. And now that she was paying attention, she noticed he was shivering.

For the first time tonight, she took a good look at him. He wasn't wearing shoes and he was still in a sleeping shirt. His hair was still stuck and tussled, like he'd barely woken up. For a second she thought about offering her sweater.

 _He's asleep,_ she realized when her eyes landed on his face. Frankly, she was exhausted, too. Crying made her eyes heavy and uncomfortably dry, so all she wanted to do was give them some rest. The rest of her body was about to drop, even if she was already propped against Cloud.

But one of them had to keep watch. There was no telling when someone would help take them back to Nibelheim.

Clearly, Cloud had woken too soon and rushed to stop her from going up Nibel alone, then spent the energy to calm her. She was still down, but not out for the count - Cloud needed rest more than her.

_Be strong, Tifa!_

* * *

The earliest sign of life on the trail came when the sun was already high. Cloud and Tifa were both awake by then, and had just about decided that they had to go down the mountain themselves.

Half an hour later, Mr. Lockhart and Quie arrived at the bridge. The former turned a sharp eye to the blond.

''And _what_ do you think you're doing, taking my daughter up here?" He snapped. Part of Cloud withered at the familiar words and part of him wanted to snap back. Tifa did it for him.

''Dad, it's not his fault!" She yelled. ''It was me. I was the one who wanted to come here. Okay?''

''You don't need to cover for him," Brian said. Tifa looked about ready to pop with offended rage.

This time Quie interjected. ''Cloud, you seem hurt. Let me check up on you.''

The declaration settled the quickly growing flames, and everybody remained silent as the brunet checked Cloud's ankle. Cloud couldn't help the rush of satisfaction at the very opinionated Mr. Lockhart being interrupted by a fellow adult.

''You've got a few scratches here and there, nothing else.'' Quie announced. ''Do you want me to carry you, or are you looking forward to walking barefoot?"

Based on the teasing tone in the man's voice, Cloud felt he had no choice in the matter.

''Not really," He mumbled, then climbed onto Quie's back. The four started back down the trail, and it didn't take long for Tifa and Mr. Lockhart to be up in arms again.

''So, tell me why you two were up here, _alone_?" Lockhart bristled.

''I already said it's my fault! Can we drop it?" Tifa exclaimed, exasperated. She didn't want to linger on the topic. Cloud picked up on her shifting

''Mr. Lockhart, I don't think the bridge is safe. That's why I followed Tifa.'' His voice was quiet, a bit unsure at his interruption, but convinced that his words were true.

''We were just there. Nothing seemed wrong with it.''

''Brian, let's check. Just in case," Quie offered. ''Remember when the filter fell?"

''Which was also the damn brat's fault," Mr. Lockhart murmured. Otherwise, he didn't object.

Lockhart kept shooting wary, suspicious, and annoyed glances Cloud's way even as they rounded some men back in Nibelheim to carry heavy objects up the mountain.

Everyone took turns inspecting the bridge from afar. Nothing seemed dangerous about it. Every wooden panel seemed to be firmly set, the knots were all tied securely to their posts, and no ropes seemed frayed.

Until they threw a piece of metal, about the weight of two children, near the middle.

The bridge snapped clean in two. Ropes burst with whips loud enough that they mentally felt rug burns and almost all the wooden panels cleanly slid off their fasteners, tumbling in a ruckus that would surely crush whoever was trying to cross. _If_ they survived the fall itself.

From that day, nobody doubted that Cloud was somehow cursed. 

'Don't acknowledge him,' was the resounding feeling most learned that day. 'Meddle with him and you'll get caught up in the Goddess' schemes.'

It didn't matter that Cloud _saved_ Tifa's life, or anybody else who would attempt to enter Nibel. He was cursed, unworldly, and someone you just couldn't feel free and flippant around.

They were only backwater hicks, anyways. What could they do in the face of the Planet's chosen?

As if Cloud was something more than human, raised uneducated and hardy like them. More than an ordinary boy with dreams about a nightmarish would-be, has-been, could-and-can-be reality.

Well, at least Tifa tried to keep in contact, but having a father as Cloud's most vehement antagonist didn't make it easy. So the years passed lonelier than ever before.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I smell that we are leaving Nibelheim soon. Hurrah! Almost done with Cloud's childhood, only to leave it for more detailed, coherent scenes... hopefully.
> 
> Yes, I have started planning about 2-3 chapters ahead on Excel and have some more specific ideas for the story's direction now. Hopefully the plot won't turn out a complete trainwreck, you'll have a good time, and I won't be dead by the end of it!


	6. Farewell, Nibelheim!

Pins and sparks lit the ends of his fingers. No matter how much he scratched or pressed, the sensation wouldn’t go away.

_The alcoholic sting burrowed under his skin._

An ache spread rhythmically through his chest, gentle and soothing as a thrown brick, with every beat and breath.

_His heart hammered. Blood soared through his ears as the fire spread from his arm throughout his chest. The blinding pain of his faltering pulse had black dots rapidly blinking in and out of view._

Cloud's hand reached up weakly, pressing the wet towel on his forehead so some water ran down his face.

_Hurry up hurry up._

Groaning, Cloud tried to focus on the path the droplet took down his cheeks. He could hardly start to do what he wanted if he couldn't breathe without feeling his lungs rattling.

Lungs weren't the only things that seemed to be falling and slipping through Cloud's grasp. He heard the [tick tock] of time growing louder. 

''Slow down," He mumbled. It was better if he said things out loud - there were already too many voices and feelings inside. Hearing himself helped distinguish which were _his_ and which were, well, his. Like that wasn't confusing already.

It wasn't necessarily even a voice. Nowadays it just... a feeling. Persistent and compulsive and _intrusive_.

Practicing cursive? _My hands should be on a sword._

Reading a map? _I should be out there._

Going for a run to burn caged energy? _I need this energy to fight._

Eating soup? _I shouldn't sit around._

Laying in bed to sleep like a normal eleven year old? _Wake the fuck up, Cloud, there's things to be done._

_'There's a battle to be fought...'_

The urgent, pressing feeling to do _anything_ kneaded itself into his bones. Unbearably uncomfortable - painful - yet soothing and relieving when he caved.

Ignoring it wasn't an option, though. Even if he could somehow ignore the paralyzing dread and anxiety in order to live normally, he couldn't bring himself to consciously deny it.

Not after Tifa. Not after seeing what truths his gut told him. Tifa could have died while he had knowledge of what could happen.

Compared to this, the anxiety from back then measures like a pebble to a Nibel dragon.

Cloud would know. _He_ saw Sephiroth kill one once, and they were giant. He wasn't eager to see what giant tragedy came this time.

* * *

''Mom, I'm leaving Nibelheim," Cloud said, finally able to stop shovelling his food around the plate.

There was no inquiry for permission.

The dark circles under his eyes had somewhat disappeared, replaced instead by a firm determination.

To Claudia, it was both relieving and concerning.

Relieving because it seemed Cloud got the rest that his visions and anxiety simply didn't allow for the past few months.

Concerning because she _knew_ Cloud had been resisting whatever Minerva sent his way this time. Almost desperately so, staying up all night by her side like he was afraid either of them would disappear the moment he closed his eyes.

Like usual, of course, Cloud hadn't given any specifics.

For him to finally accept whatever reason he had to _leave Nibelheim_... she didn't dare imagine how thin he must've been stretched, physically and emotionally.

''I'm coming with you," She said, less an offer than a statement.

_'I'm not alone. Not anymore.'_

''No!" He cried out. Immediately regretting his outburst, he softly added, ''I have to go by myself.''

Like usual, Claudia had no solution. And apparently, this time she had no compromise. Nothing to lessen the blow.

There was nothing she could think of. Nothing to help Cloud live like the child he was. The depressing, deflating sense of failure pressed on her again. She was a failure of a mother, that way - unable to put her foot down definitively and say no.

 _Maybe that's the problem_ , she told herself. Claudia had never been good with kids, but it seemed to be universal knowledge that kids always thought themselves more mature than they were.

Did Cloud just want to feel independent? Leaving Nibelheim was a bit extreme for that...

''You're still young, Cloud," She said. ''Nibelheim is far away from any other town. Where will you go, and what if you get lost? You're not saying you're going through Mount Nibel, are you?"

Cloud avoided her gaze, but his voice carried the same determination.

''I just have to go. I won't get lost.'' Tears suddenly filled his eyes and his shoulders sagged. ''Ma, please, just stay here. Stay safe, please. I have to go. Now.''

Well, there was no more scooting around the heart of the matter.

''It's... the Goddess, right?" Thinking of her child as _cursed_ , no matter how it's been proven by now, still seemed strange. It was strange to think about, and even worse to speak to him about.

Cloud paused in thought, then nodded stiffly, pressing his hands to his eyes before his breath hitched.

''I don't want to go. I have to go!" He admitted, struggling through his silent sobs. ''I have to, Ma. But I don't... I don't want to leave you...''

_Not after seeing what happens to you._

''I understand, sweetheart," She soothed, coming to his side, even though she really didn't understand.

Her mind couldn't follow up anything after that, so she had to resort to her the questions that had itched her for so long. She shifted Cloud so she could look him straight in the eye.

''Cloud, I love you. That's why I want to help. Just... tell me why I can't come with you.''

''You can't because...'' Even he seemed to struggle answering. ''...because you need to be safe, here. Please, Ma, you need to be safe. I don't want you to get hurt because of me.''

''So... what you have to do is dangerous?" It was a struggle not to snap. Not at Cloud, Gaia, never! But definitely at Gaia, or Minerva, or whichever part of the Planet was responsible for this.

''There's... a battle to be fought...'' Cloud's voice was so hushed he might as well not have spoken. Then Cloud snapped back to attention, struck by some inspiration.

''I... I have to do this myself! Ma... please, don't come with me. I'll tell you why. I'll try...!''

Honestly, Claudia was at her wit's end. Stopping Cloud physically would probably throw him back into the emotional turmoil he'd endured so terribly. Allowing Cloud to follow through, though, meant that his safety wasn't guaranteed.

The least she could do was listen... right?

''Shoot, then we'll see. I just want to know what's going on.''

Cloud nodded like a bobble head and took a deep breath, compulsively straightening in his chair again and staring straight up at the ceiling. After a moment, he closed his eyes and spoke.

He was slow, careful, and deliberate. ''It's... my dreams.''

Despite her interest being piqued, Claudia felt guilty that Cloud was telling her about the visions under these circumstances. It was unfair. Cloud's entire predicament was unfair.

But she had to know what was going on, especially now that it's reached the point that he was leaving, and wanted to go alone.

Her silence encouraged him to continue.

''My dreams... I can't really see them. Not like remembering if I watered the plants today, or if I'm hungry because I skipped breakfast.''

Cloud furrowed his brows, eyes still closed, like he was searching for one of those ''unseeable'' dreams.

''It's more like... I feel it. I just know what happens, but it makes sense - not like remembering normal dreams, when everything is confusing and... misty. It feels real.''

_Bantering and arguing surrounded him, but he couldn't stop smiling. Internally, at least, because he had to put on a scowl to mock Yuffie in turn._

''In a lot of my dreams, I'm walking. I can feel the sun on my skin, and I can feel the lumpy ground beneath my feet. And I... I'm always with my friends. They're always fighting over something stupid, and they're all weird, but...''

 _The screeching pain blasted in his head._ Cloud's violent flinch was calmed by the sensation of Ma's hand over his.

Warring mentally against seeing the specific details, Cloud's voice slightly pitched in tone. ''We were travelling all over the world. I remember it all, every path. Over water and through mountains, looking for someone. We went everywhere at least three times around. Because... because he...''

_He choked and wheezed through the heavy smoke. An inferno surrounded him on all sides; it was a miracle he hadn't been trapped under and branded by falling debris. But he didn't have the presence of mind to be thankful for that, right now._

''He burned Nibelheim. He tore it apart, every building and person. For fun. He didn't need to, because of the fire.'' _Screaming. It was Ma. He knew that. And he knew that Sephiroth was there. He had to save her, from the fire and the crazed man. Yet his body lay limp, cut off from his mind in the heavy smog covering both._ ''He stabbed me. Shinra. Aerith... and he was trying to-" Cloud stopped his breathless ramble only to choke on his own spit. ''To absorb the Planet's Lifestream so he could become a god. Sephiroth.''

_The snarling, swirling storm of pure emotion gladly consumed his body, leaving his voice with nothing but monotonous fury._

_'Shut up. What about us? What is this pain? My fingers are tingling. My mouth is dry. My eyes are burning!'_

_'Aerith is gone.'_

Before Claudia could process his words - could process the mention of Sephiroth, hero of Midgar, bane of Wutai - Cloud threw himself forward and buried his head into his lap, shaking hands muffling the strained squeaks coming between his empty rasps.

''Cloud, drink," The calm tone in her voice was automatic by now, her hand unwavering as she offered his glass.

''Sorry, no, I'm... I'm okay...''

Those were the last words he said before the glass was folded gently into his hands and guided to his lips. It took a few tries, but he eventually relaxed enough to swallow properly.

While Cloud got his thoughts back in order, Claudia slowly mulled and sorted out the panic-charged information through a disconnected fog. It was better than lingering on the disturbing truth that it had all come from her son.

The Great Sephiroth, Demon of Wutai, SOLDIER of Midgar, was... a mass murderer trying to become a god.

Her hope that the Goddess would safely guide Cloud was thoroughly crushed. The situation sounded the exact opposite of safe - like Cloud, with the conviction provided by Minerva's visions, would be throwing himself at the most powerful person alive, both in the present and in his visions.

Even through his abridged, get-this-over-with retelling, Claudia's imagination didn't need any fancier words to guess what horrifying details Cloud has actually seen - no, according to him, _experienced_.

''Sorry, Ma, I didn't mean to...''

Clearly she wasn't hiding her emotions as well as she thought she was. ''Don't be silly. It's not your fault.''

Silence. 

''So... the Planet chose you to be her hero? To stop Sephiroth from doing those things?" Claudia tried to pull him out of his head, even though it wasn't the best question to do that.

Cloud took a few more sips, then straightened his back. ''...yeah, I think.''

It was Claudia's turn to take a deep breath, to push down the millions of ' _are you sure_ 's that threatened to bubble over. ''And I can't stop you?"

A firm shake of the head.

''I can't come either?"

''Ma, you said...'' He pleaded.

''Yes, I know. That was very brave. I know it was hard to tell me.'' She briefly hugged him. Slowly, she churned out her words. ''With what you said... I don't think I'd be any help.''

Cloud's wince almost looked ashamed, like it was his fault she had no skills regarding stopping the strongest man - boy, for now - on Gaia.

There was something beyond horror in that too, now that she thought of it. Children and teenagers, being the Planet's hero, being Shinra's most effective weapons... attempted _gods._

''I won't break our promise," Claudia finally said, taking Cloud's hands in hers and earnestly looking into his eyes. ''Thank you for telling me, Cloud. It makes me feel better to know what you're doing, at least. So I'll know you're not just running off and disappearing.''

Cloud gave a hum, his agreement or disagreement vague. It was probably just a sign he was listening.

Claudia made herself focus on specific points. Made herself swell with pride, unhindered by the terror she felt at the whole picture.

''I love you, Cloud, never forget that. I won't stop loving you, even if I die and the world ends.'' She smiled, bright and fierce and with the most passion she'd ever mustered in her life. ''My own son, Gaia's hero? What more could I ask for?''

Claudia chuckled a bit at Cloud's stunned look, holding him in a long embrace.

''I'm so proud of you. Let's pack together when you're ready, okay?''

* * *

_''Tifa, meet me at the well tonight.''_ the small note, attached by a string to a rock, read. Aside from the fact that she recognized the handwriting (though neater than she last remembered; it's been a few years), there was only one person in town who couldn't have just strutted up and said it to her face. Or who would have to wait until night to meet her.

And also be clueless that the watertower was a _dating hotspot._

Her face heated unexpectedly at the realization. Even though he was socially isolated and willfully ignorant, maybe he'd heard from - no, Mrs. Strife wasn't the type of person to talk about romance, especially to Cloud. Mrs. Strife never seemed superstitious or prone to gossip; she was too awkward for that, stuck in her own head. Even Tifa could see that, and she was at least two decades younger.

Cloud, on the other hand... when he wasn't literally stuck in his head, he was very present and aware. So maybe...?

Without hesitation, Tifa sifted through her closet and set aside the hand-sewn dress her mom made her.

* * *

Cloud sighed, gaze shifting between his hands and his lap. Maybe asking Tifa so out of the blue made it hard for her to slip unnoticed. Maybe he creeped her out again. It wasn't hard to believe, looking at how everybody else treated him now. And it was kind of cold, tonight...

 _'Maybe she's not coming,' he thought, disappointedly looking at his dangling feet_. _'Ah... why did I try?'_

Really, Cloud could have left earlier. _Should_ have left earlier, if he wanted to make sure he wouldn't change his mind.

But strangely, the voice wasn't telling him to hurry and get out. It was... it felt like those nights that Ma simply held him, stroking his hair gently, comforting and reassuring him through the stream of feelings that confused him for _him_. And when he woke up the next day, he felt himself missing it.

 _Yearning_ , he could finally name the emotion. A pull and reach to feel something again.

The chilling sense that asking Tifa out tonight was not because of his own desires was quickly stamped out by the soft clanging of climbing a ladder. His mind snapped back to focus and he turned to see Tifa. She smiled and approached with her hands crossed behind her back. 

She was in a blue dress, and although Tifa always wore dresses, Cloud was especially caught by this one. The color was deep, but not dark. Almost turquoise, but without bordering on green. The cloudless, illuminated night made it shine strangely despite its obviously monotone, undecorated fabric.

It was seemed longer on her than he remembered. Although, she was two years youn-

''Sorry I'm late.'' Tifa sat beside him, angling herself perpendicular to him and swinging her feet over the ledge. ''You... wanted to talk to me about something?"

He waited for her to settle in before answering, his gaze settling on the distant ground.

_'When spring comes, I'm leaving town and going to Midgar.'_

''I'm leaving town. Tonight or tomorrow. Soon, anyhow." He said, swallowing to clear his tight throat.

He could feel Tifa swing in his direction, her fidgeting making the tower creak slightly. ''What? Why so sudden?"

''I'm going to be a SO-" Cloud cut himself off and bowed his head. ''You probably think I'm cursed. It's not really a secret to anyone by now.'' He straightened his posture and jerked his shoulders like a resolute sigh. ''It's not a curse. It's a mission, and I have to leave now to complete it.''

Long after he stopped talking, Tifa remained silent. Curious, he looked over his shoulder.

Her face was a confusing mix of a gaping, astonished mouth and furiously blushing cheeks.

''So... you really hear the Goddess' voice?" Cloud almost shot her an incredulous look, her honest curiosity being the only thing holding him back. She wasn't mocking him, she didn't seem to know.

''Something like that. What did you think I had?"

''Uh... good observation skills, or a good gut?" She said sheepishly. Cloud simply shrugged, directing his attention to the stars. Each speck was clear and distinct, every one a shade of yellow, white, red, or blue. Bright blue streaks backing their ranks against the deep darkness of the night. The moon's reflected light tore through any cloud that tried to cover it. The silence of their surroundings made it seem like the sky was humming, slow and enveloping.

It was so overwhelmingly beautiful. There was a two-year difference, but for some reason it was exactly as he ( _he_ ) remembered it.

_'Did you imagine this sky? No, you remembered it.'_

''The sky...'' Tifa mumbled, apparently as awestruck as he was.

Silence stretched between them, comfortably, until the night air finally sunk its claws into their skin. Tifa was shivering until she pressed her back against Cloud's, the position something similar to that night two years ago.

''Um, Cloud?" Tifa started, half-expecting the other to have fallen asleep.

''Hm?" Came his simple response, awake but not entirely there.

Tifa blushed furiously, thinking about her next words. About this watertower, about Cloud... and suddenly, she couldn't say it. So she said the next best thing.

''Thanks for stopping me from going into Mount Nibel. It was really... dangerous for me to do that. You saved me.''

These weren't the words she was planning to say tonight, but they were still things she wanted to tell Cloud for a long time. Things she wasn't allowed to say, since Cloud was cursed and contagious (or something ridiculous). Silly thoughts that seemed so childish to her, yet she held them and believed them so dearly.

''No, really," She insisted, seeing Cloud's confused stare. ''You're my hero. A knight in armor, saving the princess. I always wondered what that would feel like. I mean... unless you don't read those kinds of stories...''

Cloud still seemed a bit confused, shrugging. ''I don't. But I'd do it again.''

Tifa giggled slightly, then abruptly turned serious. ''The mission the Goddess gave you... when can you come back?"

His wordless answer was just a small sigh.

''You better, or else I'm going to find you and save you," She declared. ''I'll be the hero this time.''

Cloud took one tired look at her fragile frame and almost laughed before realizing he didn't exactly look much stronger.

''I'm serious, Cloud. If you're in trouble, I'm going to get Zangan to kick your sorry butt back here. Promise me!" Her voice was challenging and strong. Cloud had no idea if she was asking him to let Zangan kick his ass, or if she was making him promise he'd let her save him. Regardless, she was expecting an answer.

_I'm supposed to be the one promising to save you..._

His lips turned up slightly. ''Fine. I promise. Be strong while I'm away, okay, Tifa?"

Cloud gave her a grin before turning and disappearing down the ladder.

* * *

Packing up was sad yet done with complete seriousness. 

Between making sure Cloud had enough reusable equipment and one Fire materia (for warmth, if not magic), his Ma tried to strike up conversation. Too occupied with his conflicting thoughts and feelings, Cloud couldn't bring himself to answer with more than three-syllable answers.

Finally, it was done. His bag was not heavy, but it carried everything he needed to make it to Rocket Town. Weapons, food, map, and gil.

This felt so surreal. It was like walking in a lucid dream. The excitement of leaving to join SOLDIER vaguely echoed through him, but he couldn't afford to get lost in that.

He had to remember each and every bit of his own Nibelheim.

'Aerith' had long since wilted and been buried, her pot still sitting respectfully by his window.

Outside, he slowly examined each of his tomato plants. They were unripe and small enough for him to fit a dozen in one hand.

The other kids' houses, the inn run by the old ladies, Quie's makeshift 'hospital' in the item shop... Tifa's house... the watertower... and finally he stopped in front of Shinra Mansion. Seeing it still made him uneasy, but a squeeze of his hand reminded him that Ma was here.

He watched her every movement, committing them to memory as best as possible. Out of everything, he had to remember her the most.

Her warm hug, the way her hair brushed against his cheek, the comforting pats on his back, and then she pulled away. Her face was radiant - a complete 180 from the worried, overwhelmed look she was wearing last night. That sharp yet gentle lifting of her lips that he could never seem to imitate.

''Aw, Cloud," She buried him into another hug and kissed his cheek. ''I can't believe how much you've grown. You're so strong, you know?"

''Mm," He hummed back, unsure of what he wanted to say.

''Before you go, I want to tell you something.'' She sighed heavily before returning to her grinning.

''Cloud, you have the biggest, kindest heart I've ever seen. Gaia knows who she's chosen to save her. You have the spirit, the heart, and the stubbornness to be a hero.

''But heroes need practice, too. Don't forget you're allowed to fail. It's going to be hard, because I know your mission is important. You're human, just like me. And I make mistakes all the time.

''So... remember that I love you, Cloud. Even if the world ends or if I die, I will _never_ stop being proud of you.''

Her eyes glistened and she didn't bother to wipe away the tears that fell.

''So even if you become a fugitive instead of a hero, don't hesitate to come back. You will always be my only son and my everything. I will gladly help bring you back up when you need help. You might not understand it now, but just keep it in mind. I. Love. You.''

The dam burst. Cloud smiled through his tears, trying to imitate the strength and kindness and determination and goodness in his Ma's.

''I love you, Ma. I'm going to miss you.'' He couldn't bring his voice any louder as he wrapped his arms around her neck.

''Me too," She whispered back, gently cradling him. She set him back on his feet, adjusted his pack's straps, then pat his head. ''Go save the world, Cloud. I'm cheering you on!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Farewell, Nibelheim! It only gets harder from here!


	7. Chapter 7

Cloud marched his way up Mount Nibel, energy pulsing excitedly through his entire body. It was finally time. He was going to Rocket Town, even if it meant that he had to go the long way through the mountain - obviously, using a bridge wasn't possible.

He navigated through the dusty, barely-marked trails like an expert guide (a designation that he knew would be given to Tifa later). He stepped around mako-infused mountain runoff carefully and rolled his feet silently over the occasional fallen leaf.

It was night, however, and no matter how determined or how skillful he was, he had to stop eventually. Cloud didn't want to test his luck with monsters and the elements any further.

The mountain was as riddled with crevices and caves as it was unnecessary spikes and turns, so finding a place to settle wasn't too hard. Cloud unpacked his wool blanket (almost everyone in Nibelheim had one, since you were never quite sure when a dragon would decide to raze your house and you were left town-less) and Fire materia.

Keeping his blanket a safe distance away, Cloud clutched the smooth green orb in both hands. He took a deep breath, sorting his thoughts to focus on the knowledge in the spell. Grabbed onto the _know_ bubbling in his instincts. Coaxed his energy through it. He aimed his hand at a patch of dirt and fired.

Or… he tried to. The palm of his outstretched hand grew a bit warm and a lick of a flame reached through the air, but petered out before it could touch the ground.

Cloud grumbled, resigning himself to just leaving the materia activated before folding and climbing into his blanket like a sleeping bag.

Despite the warmth in his blanket slowly overpowering the stale chill around his shoulders and toes, Cloud couldn't sleep. The combination of the rocky dirt beneath him and the deep sky, both far away and barely high, kept his mind irritated and interested. Not enough to notice the soft prowling and sniffing just around the corner.

A snarl and a jaw snapped shut, nicking his shoulder before Cloud had a chance to scramble away. He rolled and slipped the knife from his bag into one hand, already charging his materia with the other.

It was a wolf. In the low light he couldn't tell if it was mutated or not, only able to judge from the hunched silhouette and dimly reflectant eyes. Before it could attack again, he jerked his hand and tried to fire what should've been a second-stage Fire spell. But he was holding a basic materia and he'd charged for a mere two seconds.

A pathetic flame, comparable to the after-sparks left in the smoke of a larger fire, drifted and nipped the wolf's paw, earning only an angry yelp in reply.

''Shit-" Cloud reacted quickly and waved his knife until he drove the wolf a fair distance back. He snatched his blanket and, in probably not-the-smartest-move, threw it over the wolf's body and lunged to keep it down.

Panicked whimpers and flails were muffled below him, but Cloud was just as frozen in surprise. He could wrap his entire body over the makeshift trap, so… the wolf was probably a juvenile?

He hadn't planned this far into his attack. He considered the dagger still in his hand - he could quickly stab it in the neck and be done with it, maybe even have some food for the next few days, but the thought made him nauseous. It shouldn't, since he'd seen and felt it done a thousand times in his dreams to grosser monsters, yet it did.

Using one hand to clamp the wolf's muzzle and the other to keep the sides of the blanket shut, Cloud hefted the scrawny wolf and dumped it over the edge outside his cave. He dusted his blanket quietly, hoping to get as much fur off as possible. One, he didn't appreciate the feeling that his blanket wasn't clean, and two, he didn't need other wolves thinking that he was trespassing on their turf. And although he knew the wolves would smell it long after he forgot about it, the gesture still calmed him.

Now, time for sleep. He'd have to learn how to rest with one ear open, and that could only happen through trial and error.

* * *

Two months. It'd taken Cloud two months to make it to Rocket Town.

'Upsetting' was the lightest way to put it. He knew he'd made it to Midgar in under a year before.

Sure, he had to find a new way around the bridge leading to the Nibel reactor. Sure, he'd had to be extra cautious when creeping around dragons and other Nibel-native nasties (it turns out that a child with a kitchen knife can't spare the bravado of an enhanced twenty-one year old with a hefty broadsword). Sure, he'd had to backtrack through the open plains a bit because he thought his legs carried him further than they were. Sure, he had to stop every few hours to calm down and get his head on straight. But he'd done it before, for longer - and only two years older than he was now.

Last time, he could climb the dusty, griffin-infested minefield around Cosmo Canyon. He could cross swamps and rivers without Dio's vehicle. He could avoid the poison and petrification and frog-ification that the monsters around Gongaga tended to favor. 

_He_ had crossed two continents in less than a year, and still had enough energy to sign up for the SOLDIER examinations.

Right now... he could hardly make it to the next town on the same continent without suffering from magic exhaustion. He was still energized and raring to go - don't get him wrong - but his body was more than ready to give out.

So he stumbled, a bit nauseous from the suddenly overwhelming sensations of human civilization, into Rocket Town's local inn.

''Can I help you?" The innkeeper furrowed his brow once he looked at Cloud. ''Hey, are you okay?"

Cloud nodded, then paused. Recalling Ma's advice to 'answer with words if you want to be polite', Cloud straightened his posture and flashed a smile. ''Yes, sir, I'm fine. Um... this is an inn, right?''

''Yep," Came the reply. ''We've got rooms. Where are your parents?"

''It's just me, sir.'' Since the innkeeper hadn't changed his conflicted expression, Cloud scrambled for some excuse. ''I'm by myself because... um... I want to join SOLDIER.''

Cloud cringed despite it being a passable excuse. Around this time, there wasn't much else of a reason for kids his age to leave their small towns.

The man nodded slowly, his narrowed eyes relaxing. ''Well, if you say so. I hope you realize Midgar is two continents away.''

Cloud shrugged, wincing at the soreness it induced. The man sighed.

''Do you have any gil?"

''About fifty, sir.''

''Well... I can help you a bit. I'll let you stay for five a night, okay? And you can use the rest to stock up and get some clothes.''

Cloud smiled again and tipped his head, like he'd sometimes see his Ma do after buying something. ''Thanks."

Without another word the innkeeper grabbed a key from the wall and helped Cloud up the stairs.

''It should be fine for someone your size," The innkeeper said, showing Cloud a small room near the end of the hallway. ''Don't worry too much about using water, or asking for more pillows. There's always food in the lobby, although sometimes it might be cold. And... if you need anything, any help, come talk to me. You seem like a good kid.''

Cloud felt like he'd missed some double meaning. The man had spoken hushed but firm, so he wasn't being shy about the offer, yet clearly wasn't sure if he wanted anyone else to hear it.

Regardless, Cloud thanked him again, exchanged the key for a single five-gil coin, and started to unpack his things.

After he'd arranged his stuff, he went straight for the bathroom. The townsfolk in Nibelheim had always refused to use any water except whatever was collected in the watertower, so Cloud had been a bit scared to wash himself in the rivers around Mount Nibel. As a result, his skin and clothes felt itchy and caked. And he had some scrapes and bruises that needed closer inspection.

He stripped and piled his clothes into the running sink, examining his body in the mirror as he lightly scrubbed them.

His entire body was sore, burning in pulses on a surface and bone-deep level. He knew he'd slipped ungracefully more than a few times, especially in skirmishes with monsters, but he hadn't expected his _entire_ body to be covered in bruises and mud and splotched with dry blood. Some areas were darker than others, namely his elbows (from falling), his knees (also from falling), and his torso (from blocking attacks that he shouldn't).

_The kids tore through the city, laughing and making do with their little group. The crowd sidestepped around them, leaving them both clear for everyone to see yet an object they wished didn't exist._

_His heart ached, mind flitting quickly to Denzel back at the bar. Denzel, and the bandages wound constantly around his forehead._

_All of the kids were covered in black mold, some more than others, and his left arm twitched a bit. The sores looked painful even without the black ooze._

_But even worse, somehow, were all the dark not-Geostigma patches around the kids' bodies._

_Oh, oh... no way._ Cloud realized, throat tightening as his mouth hung open. The innkeeper thought he was being _abused_ , covered in so many bruises. That he'd run away from home to escape, probably. And he hadn't even seen what was under his shirt.

Ma would never.

He would have to clear things up, for both his Ma's sake and the innkeeper's. Taking advantage of the man's compassion made him uncomfortably queasy.

Or... maybe that was just the materia exhaustion again.

Determined to stay out of his thoughts, Cloud turned his attention back to cleaning his dirty clothes and taking a shower. The sooner he did that, the sooner he could rest. And the sooner he could rest, then the sooner he would have a clear mind and a refreshed body. _Then_ he could help make it up to the innkeeper.

* * *

Cloud was almost finished with restocking the kitchen pantry when he realized there was chatting at the front. Quickly patting his clothes from flour patches, he hurried to take his place behind the counter and books.

''Welcome to the Shanghai Inn!" He greeted, catching the two guests' attention and pausing their conversation. They both towered over him, a bit menacing with the way the three glass-covered spotlights on their helmets pointed directly at him. Cloud's eyes landed on the full grey-green scarves wrapped around their shoulders and necks, and for a second his nerves were replaced by the sensation and gratefulness of a similar cloth keeping him warm against the biting snow in Modeoheim.

Realizing that the men were giving him incredulous looks (assumed, since he could only see their mouths and tips of their noses), Cloud pushed aside the sensation and waited attentively.

''You're a kid," The shorter one finally broke the silence. ''Where's the owner?"

''Mr. Shanghai will be out until five. I'm filling in until then," Cloud explained. Every few weeks for the past four months of travelling, Cloud returned to Rocket Town's Shangai Inn. Mr. Shanghai always had his door open for him, even if he didn't have anything to trade for his stay. Cloud was more than okay with being a replacement and letting the innkeeper take a day off.

''Hm. Well, we're looking to buy some bedding supplies," The taller one said. For some reason, the meaning of the duo's presence and uniforms finally clicked.

''For the army?" Cloud asked. The men's mouths pulled wide and upwards in amusement.

''What, don't you watch the news? There's a campaign against Wutai," The infantryman explained. ''Living in Rocket Town means you're closest to the action.''

Truthfully, no, Cloud didn't know that. He knew there was _a_ war against Wutai - the one Sephiroth participated in and swept every boy's hearts with - but he had no idea an attack was about to happen _now_. In hindsight, watching the news was probably the best way to keep tabs on Sephiroth's movements, if he ever hoped to find him.

''...right. Bedding," Cloud said, storing the information for later. So there _was_ a reason why he'd been sent out to fetch giant boxes of bedsheets.

After settling the payment, Cloud watched as more infantrymen came to take the boxes. He tracked their movement to the shore, where even more were loading supplies from a plane to a boat.

A boat... infantrymen buying and moving supplies... and an upcoming attack on Wutai...

A stupid idea began to nudge at Cloud's mind. He'd been looking for ways to get to Wutai for a while now, but nobody had been willing or able to take him there - nobody around Corel, Gongaga, or Cosmo Canyon had a suitable boat.

But... _he_ had been a stowaway once before, right? With Nanaki, no less.

The rest of the day was spent in internal debate, only vaguely present while some infantrymen asked to take a nap in some rooms, and to wake them before the sun came down.

At five, the sky already painted a dark pink and purple, Mr. Shanghai came back.

''Thanks for taking over," The innkeeper greeted warmly. ''Today must've been stressful, huh?"

''It was whatever," Cloud shrugged. ''The army came by to get supplies.''

''Well, yeah. They never bring anything but weapons and armor on the plane. Anything else is too heavy, since they have to come from Midgar.''

Cloud nodded silently, wondering if now was the best time to bring it up. He already packed his bag, and had cleared the inn of any soldiers, so he could technically leave whenever he wanted. But...

''Sir, I'm going to be leaving again," Cloud said.

''Shucks. You just got back," The innkeeper teased, waving his hand dismissively. He knew by now that Cloud could handle himself.

''Yeah," Cloud laughed a bit. ''Thanks for taking me in again.''

''No big. I'm obligated to help my favorite employee. You need anything before you go? Ethers, potions?"

''No, I've got everything I need.''

''Well, good luck, then. Maybe you'll make it to Midgar this time.''

Cloud tried to hide a wry grimace, replacing it with a wide grin instead. ''I'll tell you all about it.''

After a few more jabs and jokes, he managed to escape Mr. Shanghai's grasp and slipped away into the dark. Floodlights illuminated the ship in the distance, so he took to waiting for an opening.

Hopefully, these infantrymen had as hard of a time seeing through their helmets as he remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the time skips, but I'm not really sure how else I'm supposed to cover the important parts without too much filler. I'm more about emotion and people than... um... survival tactics?
> 
> But don't worry! I think there'll only be one or two more month-long jumps (that I planned).


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite this chapter a few times because it was just. So. BAD. It didn't even sound like I was writing it.
> 
> Unsolicited advice of the day: If you want to write, stop reading for a day or two. Then your brain will stop trying to copy someone else's style (even if they ARE better than you) and the words flow a bit more naturally. For me, at least.
> 
> So... enjoy! I'm trying my best to keep a consistent schedule, I swear.

The night drew on, the infantrymen had finished loading the ship, and Cloud was nowhere to be seen. For now. 

It was dark, and the stars beamed down. It wasn't the same as stargazing in Nibelheim, though - there was no freshness in the air that made the stars seem to twinkle up-close. Instead, the hot, muggy, salty air around Wutai made the sky feel deeper and emptier, despite showing the same stars. 

Clinging onto the side of the boat, Cloud was too occupied with his nausea to enjoy the view. The boat, slightly smaller than the one he'd taken to Costa del Sol, roiled and toiled around the black-green waters. Between his disorientation and the lack of light pollution, Cloud honestly couldn't tell where the sky and ocean separated. 

His muscles were starting to burn and it was a struggle not to let himself fall off the side. It felt like he was climbing the crags around the Great Glacier again, except this time he wasn't even moving. His lungs burned and struggled to take proper air - from the moisture in it, not from shards of ice and snow. The muscles just above his stomach ached, his forearms and shoulders were trembling, and the balls of his feet throbbed from keeping such an awkward, flat-against-wall position. And worst of all, he felt sticky and gross. 

The guards on the deck started bustling again. From his view on the side of the boat, Cloud realized they finally neared the shores of Wutai, the small beach landing looking a strange brown in the dark. 

He had to jump now if he didn't want to be found. Well, not jump. That'd be too loud, even over the roar of the engine. 

Carefully turning around so he could sit-crouch on a ledge, Cloud adjusted his pack to rest on his head. It obscured his vision a bit, but that was a fair trade for avoiding having to dry a wet blanket in this hideously humid area. He wasn't about to ride his nightmares out feeling like he's inside a Malboro's mouth, thank you very much. 

He slipped into the water toe-first, then gently pushed away and used the momentum to start swimming. The water pressed uncomfortably around his body, only his upper neck and head feeling free. 

_Even outside its numbing clutches, the liquid's radiation burned the same way alcohol smelled_. 

_Just water, just water, just water, just water,_ Cloud clung to the mantra. Now wasn't the time for this. He could move around. He was swimming. He was supposed to swim if he didn't want to drown, and look! The water felt light and bubbly when he kicked and pulled. He wasn't trapped. 

As the boat pulled ahead, Cloud was left alone to swim. His strokes were stiff and slightly uncoordinated and his stomach still churned from the boat, but he had fallen into the familiar rhythm that allowed his breast-stroke to be… passable. His limbs weren't as long as before, and his muscles definitely not as strong, but the motion was unexpectedly _relaxing_. He'd have to show his mom how to swim sometime. 

Long after the troops docked, Cloud made it to shore. He hurried into cover and collapsed, deciding it was better to lay down in the bushes for a while, waiting for the infantrymen to finish unpacking. There were about twenty of them, which seemed a bit high when trying to hide from ninjas, but what did he know about war? 

_Bushes_ , Cloud startled. Bushes, tall grass, and trees. A legitimate forest that, from his vantage point, stretched way beyond the hills. 

The Wutai he knew was alternatively dry like the wastes of Midgar or muddy like the plains between the Mythril Mines and the Chocobo Ranch, but consistently barren. The only areas surrounded by greenery were the flats around the capital city. 

The war… destroyed Wutai that much? 

_Windows shattering, chunks of roof material sliding inward, cracking and clanging of bones and wood and metal._

Suddenly, he was glad he hadn't arrived in Midgar early enough to participate long-term in the Wutai War. And he could sympathize with Yuffie's deep disdain for him as a SOLDIER. He'd always thought Wutai being destroyed was only in its spirit, tradition, and use of materia - not from being _razed to the ground._

_The roaring so loud it overpowered the panicked screams and wails. He was going deaf, he was losing his sense of touch, and his entire respiratory system had long been lost to the sickeningly thick smoke, splitting his train of thought into small, disperse moments and forgotten just as easily._

_Eyes hazily flicked to the collapsing house, smallest in town. Small, one-floor, without luxury… but his. His house._

_Ma. Ma was in there. She wasn’t making any sounds. He couldn’t see any sign of her, anywhere._

_‘She escaped through the back.’ No. She didn’t. Couldn’t. There was one door, one exit. The front. Already a pile of rubble. She was sealed inside. The heat topping itself, an oven, so, so much worse than what he was feeling._

_A sudden shock of air pushed through his nose into his lungs. His entire body flinched, grabbing greedily at the proper breath. The throbbing numbness in his fingertips gave way to tingling, stinging, burning. The oppressing heat crawled over his body, catching in his uniform. His eyes squinted and tried to moisten themselves, the small movement sending prickles cascading around his face and under his eyelids._

_How, how, how?_

_“S-Sephiroth…”_

_Glazed eyes trailed shadowy movement. Tall. Curved. Then more shadows fell. All the colors were wrong and distorted, but through it all he had never seen anything clearer._

_Silver hair, silver sword, dark armor, pale flesh, glowing green eyes. Head tilted downward, in the mock of a considerate prayer, regarding lamely the bodies slain before him. The nose and eyes scrunching slightly in distaste, but without enough care to show except without context.The lips curled in a satisfied smile. An easy spin on his heels._

_This was him home. His people. He was supposed to come back a hero. He was supposed to be able to save Tifa. Why why why why why?!_

_But even as the flames consumed more of the old town, creeping ever closer to his own skin, he couldn’t move._

When Cloud next woke up, the light of day was gently streaming through dense leaves, tinged green. It was quiet, except the loud shrill of cicadas. He regarded the waving of the trees calmly. Blankly. 

_Do. Act._

Okay. He didn’t need convincing. It didn’t matter what he did. If he got caught. If he got lost. Just doing something was better than nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cloud got left behind. RIP. And he seems... hm.


	9. ReGenesis

Genesis, only sixteen, newly appointed SOLDIER 1st Class, was not a team player. He represented SOLDIER's prestige and pride - one who, as a member of the elite of humankind, did not want nor need help. Running around like an errand boy was unbecoming and a waste of somebody of his caliber.

So why was he taken from his duties and sent to monitor some civilian caught in the crossfire of war?

The flap of the medical tent opened and closed without a sound, the only indication of its movement being the sharp footsteps that followed. Genesis approached the only occupied bed, a swirl of intrigue lightening his annoyed frown once he saw who lay there.

'' _He's just a kid, but he may be a spy. You never know with war,_ " the words of the infantryman echoed in his head.

Sure enough, his charge had the appearance of a child. Short and thin limbs lay neatly by his side, a wild mess of bright-blond hair that hung over his forehead, and a pale face somewhat tormented despite unconsciousness.

''The gift of the Goddess," Genesis murmured and sat at the foot of the cot, staring in wonder and concern. He ran his eyes over the boy multiple times, reviewing his condition and the summary that the squad's designated healer had given.

Dehydration. The boy had been given water when for the few moments he'd been awake, but it wasn't much. It probably wasn't something they could address here, anyway.

The bruises that littered his body. It was almost gross, the way that shades of black and blue peppered his skin. It was definitely not all from travelling.

A sensitivity to touch. Apparently, the boy had freaked out when he woke as the healer was casting Cure and cleaning off his blood. Genesis was called over because he was the best at handling materia, knew how much power to give a Sleepel spell, and the only one with a Seal materia to begin with.

Seal materia had... _other_ , less _restoration-oriented_ purposes, too. One he was not to hesitate in using. One his men were well out of normal earshot and within firing distance for. _Just in case._

To avoid wasting energy and accidentally sending the boy's body into shock, Genesis cast basic Cures in two-minute intervals. He could still hear the distant shuffling of troopers, so he wasn't worried about an ambush. Not that his little friend would or _could_ have organized one to begin with - the thought was laughable.

A dragged inhale signalled the boy's waking. He peered lazily through barely-open eyelids, then startled once he noticed Genesis. The redhead quirked his lips smugly.

''You look quite strange without your earring.'' He pointed to his left ear.

The boy's face betrayed the silently grinding gears in his head, realization freezing them in place. Then he narrowed his eyes, a million flashes of emotions at once. ''I dunno ye.''

Was that an _a_ _ccent_?

''I do. I have seen you, at the very least.'' Genesis leaned back easily and folded his hands over crossed knees. ''But I cannot call you 'Zack's friend' or 'child of the Goddess' forever, can I? Tell me your name.''

Jaw slack and eyes wide as gil, the boy was stricken - almost literally - with the fear of god. ''You… how d'you?...''

''Because I am a fellow envoy. Her Prisoner, to be exact. Now, names, introductions. I am Genesis Rhapsodos of SOLDIER.''

He was only met with tight-lipped silence. The boy's expression drew back so that only a blank, uncomprehending stare remained. An automatic response to fear, or simply confusion, he wasn't sure. The disguised rise and fall of his chest probably indicated fear.

''Come, speak. My men are relying on me for answers," Genesis smirked his amusement again, ''O ever cunning Wutai spy.''

Although the hazy, frozen look in the boy's eyes didn't disappear, he eventually managed to form words on his locked tongue and jaw.

''Mh n'me es Clod, an' I ain't a spy." The boy spoke with a distinct accent unlike any of the diverse or inventive styles and pidgins of Midgar's slums. It was almost slurred, and the heavy-handed drawl wasn't helping Genesis understand.

''Clod?"

Clod flushed bright red, then enunciated his next words slowly. ''Uh… my name- is Cloud. Like 'em in the skaye. ...E'm not used te- to Standahrd…''

Genesis tilted his head thoughtfully, watching the boy slowly sit up and take careful breaths. ''Well, chocobos don't catch water overnight. It was a decent attempt.''

Cloud shrugged, immediately wincing and bracing his shoulders. Genesis was silent, waiting as the younger examined himself.

''Can I b'row that?" Cloud finally asked, making the teen raise a brow.

''You know how to use materia? I thought you were only part of the infantry.''

Cloud's face twisted as if offended. '''Course I can. D'ya think I got this far 'thut a Fire?'' Then he paused, once again taking his damn sweet time to process Genesis' words. And Genesis waited patiently (to his standards) for him to speak.

There was a full five minutes of cold silence. Facial expressions were poorly hidden, eye contact was one-sidedly avoided, and at one point a certain child seemed ready to hyperventilate. But everything settled down into passive, observing stares, and the standstill was broken.

''Where's my stuff?''

Honestly, Genesis was expecting Cloud to pry more about the stuff that mattered - how he knew Zack, or his previous status as an infantryman, or how he knew about his connection to the Goddess, the nature of his memories - but the mundane question about his dirty bag made the redhead burst into a short fit of laughter.

Was the boy too stupid to pick up on his cues? Even Zack, infamously naive, had been able to read between the lines - he just willfully shut them down. But not even a ''shut up, I'm warning you!", as if the bait woven in his words hadn't been voiced at all?

No, the Goddess chose him for a reason. He had to have survived somehow. His blatant disregard for important issues must be deliberate.

Perhaps he just needed to be more straightforward.

''Curious. I did say my men think you a Wutai spy. They confiscated your weapons and materia, but they're safe. However, this is hardly an ideal time to talk about _certain_ _things_. I must interrogate you, first.''

And so started their little interrogation. Genesis laid down two maps, one of Wutai and the other a World Map, and got Cloud to show him his path. How he'd started from Rocket Town (he neglected to say anything prior to his arrival in said town, and Genesis didn't need nor request it) and snuck onto the boat, and how he'd wandered around the forest. He could trace his (and the squad who he followed) movements clearly, even point to a spot on the map decently close to where their camp was set up, but insisted he couldn't remember what actually happened during those few days.

''Like sleep walking," Cloud explained. ''It happens sometimes. Like dreams. Some of it is clear and some I don't remember at all.''

''Not on purpose, I suppose.''

''No… oh! Like the, um… _certain things._ ''

So Cloud _was_ aware of his bait. For a second, Genesis doubted why he even thought the contrary.

When Genesis was finally satisfied that he had enough information to bullshit an excuse, he recounted their new story.

''You do not remember how you came to Wutai or what happened, but you were clearly covered in battle wounds. You had travel gear, but are clearly inexperienced. The innkeeper at Rocket Town - you told him you were headed to Midgar. What does that mean? You were kidnapped by Wutai soldiers, probably to be held for ransom, and you either escaped or were purposefully let go to cause confusion. That part is just our speculation. So, I'm taking you to Midgar for observation and protection.''

''That's... I don't like lying.''

''You'll have to if you want to be free.''

 _And being free, able to move, able to act, is vital to our mission,_ went unsaid.

Cloud just accepted it with a bit lip and nod, stayed obediently by Genesis' side as they marched with four infantrymen back to the boat, and kept himself scarce and out of the way on the flight back to Midgar.

By the time they landed, unloaded, and were dismissed, Cloud was teetering on an exhausted collapse. He cheeks were tinted green and pale and shaking - Genesis had quickly learned the blond had severe motion sickness - but it wasn't only from the seas and skies.

Officially, Cloud was a prisoner, to be interrogated and kept under surveillance in the off chance he was the wire to a trap. He was not free, not a friend, and was therefore not treated as such.

There would be no ethers for his severe magic exhaustion. He was given just enough potions for his body to handle the pain and keep his mouth moving. He was given water so he could speak, and food so he wouldn't waste away.

Not until he was cleared by Lazard (never Heideggar).

With Cloud half-dragged behind him, Genesis entered the Director's office. He wanted to show compassion and unburden the boy from his heavy feet, to treat Minerva's beloved as he should be, but he had to favor a long-term goal. He had to follow Shinra's rules, no matter how stupid and utterly disgraceful. 

''This is our spy," Genesis presented Cloud to the white-gloved Director, intentionally exaggerating his sarcastic tone. He wanted to make it clear from the start that _Cloud is not a spy._

Lazard nodded mutely, hands folded neatly on his desk. Behind his glasses and professional smile were critical, examining eyes. They were unmistakable and purposeful; his SOLDIERs were subjected to them often, and even those outside his command were made to know his acuteness. His competence.

But Cloud wasn't paying any attention, wasn't intimidated under the probing gaze. His vision was blurring and his thoughts roared over his ears. He swayed sideways and flinched back to the center, unable to find proper balance on his feet.

Genesis wanted nothing more than to buy the poor boy some rest.

Apparently, this display even made Lazard take pity. ''Lay him there," He gestured to a couch along the wall.

''Of course.'' The instant Cloud lay down, he was dead to the world.

For a moment, both of them watched Cloud's even breathing before continuing.

''Congratulations on the successful maneuver," Lazard said. ''We finally have a stable presence in Southern Wutai.''

''It was no problem for me.''

''Yes, of course. You dealt with the potential ambush situation very well, too.''

''Well, their assassin was quite stealthy, with those clearly Wutaian locks." Genesis said dryly, stealing another glance at Cloud's blond head. ''Lazard, there is no reason for him to be treated like a _criminal_. He speaks Standard even when delirious from the most severe magic exhaustion I've seen, and made no attempt to attack any of us.''

''You wish to say?"

''He's a victim. A boy. He remembers nothing between staying in Rocket Town and arriving in Wutai. And suddenly, he's hot on the trails of our infantry. They hadn't noticed him until they stopped and he stumbled for their help. He's a foreigner to Wutai and had the strength of will to seek help, whether he was imprisoned or merely lost.''

Lazard was quiet for a moment longer. It wasn't hard to guess what he was thinking, with the way his eyebrows furrowed and slight amazement shone in his eyes.

He always had a certain admiration for children. Hardworking, desperate ones.

''It's not like you to be so sentimental," Lazard quipped, but from the lack of denial, Genesis already knew he won.

''He does have some affinity for magic," Genesis flicked his hair casually.

''That _would_ be what convinced you to become attached to him. I'm not surprised.''

Genesis allowed himself a small, relieved laugh.

''So, let's discuss how we'll move forward with this. It's time you learned how to do paperwork, anyway.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone always talks about Nibelheim's distinct accent. I based Cloud's more on his Crisis Core and Advent Children voices, since I think that slurred, kind of swinged style of speaking is more distinct (though I have no idea where that accent might come from in this world). Think of like... a mix of Cid's slanged country thing but with the accentless, marbles-in-mouth kind of thing from Francophones trying to speak English. Nasally? Back-of-the-mouth-y?? Um. If that helps.
> 
> For obvious reasons, I won't write his words how they sound all the time, and Cloud will probably lose his accent anyway. Imagine Tifa speaking like this, though?
> 
> Also, finally! We're in Midgar! And though we're years away from anything happening (it's strange to think that the Wutai War is BORING and EMPTY compared to everything else in the future), we can finally slow down and smell the roses.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psh, taking small steps and easing a child into a high-stakes situation? What is he, a loser? No, Genesis gets what Genesis wants (and that means a heavy discussion/bragging session about knowledge he has and doesn't have). Luckily for him, Cloud is just as tactless in response and doesn't divert.

Cloud felt like vomiting. There was a piece of wood stuck in his clothes, under his shoulder guard, and was jutting uncomfortably into his skin. His head ached like no other, and he swore he couldn't remember anything but the feeling of falling. He felt crushed and heavy despite the cushioned softness supported by something firm beneath his back.

The scent of flowers. Soil?

A bed. The abrupt realization jolted him awake. He was dreaming again, laying in a bed. Forests did not have beds. ...Shinra's cots weren't this soft.

Curious, Cloud tried searching blindly with his hand. The tips of his fingers tingled, but through the pricks he could feel a smooth, leather-like fabric. There was a wall of the fabric on one side, but empty space on the other.

A couch didn't sound like something troopers would drag around.

Barely forcing his eyes open, Cloud tried to take in his surroundings. Yep, a couch. And there was the clean intersection of two walls and the ceiling. There was a warm-white light somewhere from behind.

Cloud felt like he should be a bit more panicked, but through the overbearing weight on everything he could only feel it his deep, desperate pulse. And even then, his heart seemed to sink into his chest. His entire body was on fire, numb with pain and exhaustion. He felt like he was only skin and bones, the two separated by some mysterious, unfeeling space that should be muscle or whatever things held them together.

A few hours later, Cloud woke to a hand pushing him to sit upright. A sharp inhale was all he managed before a familiar voice - belonging to someone with red hair, he remembered - filtered through the water in his ears.

''Drink this ether, then you can sleep.''

There was a hand wrapping something into his own. It felt fragile, and had angled corners, and there was a faint pop of a lid. His hand was pushed to his mouth - not forced - so he obediently tipped and drank whatever was in the bottle.

He was allowed to lie down again, and he gladly sank back into half-sleep. But awareness came nipping at his tired mind like pesky Slaps, until he was covered in enough bites to actually feel and think beyond simple prompts.

Grimacing at the nausea suddenly taking him, Cloud got his arm stuck beneath him at least twice before managing to prop himself on an elbow. He naturally turned towards the light, now able to see it came from a lamp on a simple cloth-covered table. There was someone reading in a chair.

Red hair, fair face, but Cloud felt there was not enough color.

 _Two vague weights resting against his thighs, his eyes cast and hovering the area around his lap, fixated on the unusual splotch of red to his right. The strange orb resting in his palm, lumpy. The comforting voice talking, apologizing_ (what, why is Zack?...) _, and a soft crunch._

Cloud winced slightly as the vision faded. The stranger (no, he's...) was looking at him now. ''How are you feeling?"

''You... I'm feeling, he, you're, then-" Cloud cut himself off, scrambling to put his words back in order. Tried to remember what happened in Wutai. ''Oh! Genesis."

''That's me," Genesis nodded. ''How are you?''

Well, he _had_ to say it. Now that he was pointed to it, Cloud could feel the hot-cold shivers running through his back up to his neck and the pounding in his head.

''Not good," Cloud said, sitting up fully and pulling his knees to his chest to try and stay warm. Warm. Nothing to do with the lingering effects of his impromptu vision. ''D'you have my stuff?"

''You and your 'stuff' and 'things'," Genesis huffed, reaching beside him and tossing the bag onto the couch.

''Hey, watch! There's a knife!" Cloud shifted quickly before the bag could hit him, but after checking its contents he found that his Fire and said weapon were missing.

''I thought by now you understood that others think you a hostile force," Genesis said flatly. ''Or, at least, something to be wary of. They wouldn't leave you armed.''

Okay, Cloud could remember that part of their conversation yesterday... how long had he been asleep? He hadn't even realized.

Genesis was very quiet again, not breaking eye contact. Cloud took the opportunity to fetch his blanket and drape it over his head and around his knees.

But Genesis kept staring, and Cloud had no idea why.

''Did I say something?" Cloud asked, feeling unnerved. Apparently that was some correct answer, with Genesis rolling his eyes.

''It's much more a lack of what's being said.''

''Oh- the certain things? I thought I wasn't supposed to...''

''This is my house," Genesis flicked his hair. ''It's only us. Ask to your heart's desire.''

Given permission, Cloud's anxiety of scaring Genesis away vanished, a flood of questions tumbled through his mind.

''What did you mean about the Goddess before? When did you see me? I've never seen you. Was that you when I was in that chair?'' He choked, ''And how do you know Zack?"

Genesis was smiling satisfactorily. It was the kind of smile that he'd seen on Yuffie sometimes, one that was always followed by 'About time!'

''Well, it's as I've said. We're both her envoys, sent from the future to save her. Minerva was dying, tortured by her own creation. Long ago, I was degrading in mind and body. She cured me, and now I serve her.''

Cloud was silent with intent focus, so Genesis continued.

''As for you and Zack - I met and fought him multiple times over the course of my madness. You were there, unconscious by his side after you two escaped Hojo's experiments. I believed your cells could cure me, but alas, Zack would not let me try. A rather good thing, now that I am capable of such reflections.''

 _The sudden burn on his cold skin_ (the sun, so bright), _and irritating somethings that only got worse as he breathed more in_ (gravel and dust).

_Despair, the extended void in his heart, and even that can't be trusted, his feelings aren't even real, he's not human, he's not him. Not Cloud. Nothing._

Cloud already knew he'd been Hojo's experiment, but he'd never been forced to consciously grind the _experience_ of it with the future knowledge of _what the hell is wrong with me_.

''So... I'm still... I'm still a clone?"

Genesis threw him a bewildered look. ''No, our bodies are as they were in the past. It is simply our accumulated memories that were sent back. Look for yourself, do I appear to be degrading?''

''What, like the Sephiroth clones?"

''The what?"

''You know, at the Reunion. They kinda...poof."

There was a heavy pause, and suddenly Cloud's anxiety flew back at full force. What was he thinking, talking so much? 

He'd just assumed Genesis could explain what he couldn't understand himself, but it seemed like Genesis had no idea. He was crazy, maybe they both were, although he was sure he wasn't.

...Usually, trusting an insane person to know they were insane wasn't a good idea, and his vision-self had proved so.

''U-um, I thought you'd already know, about everything...''

Genesis crossed his arms nonchalantly. ''Well, no. If something occurs after Zack's victory over me and my cure, it's not likely that I know about it. I was sealed away for some years to recover and prepare. That's why you were sent back, I suppose. Evidently, the Goddess thought you had enough relevant information to fill in the blanks in mine.''

Cloud averted his gaze, thoughts whizzing in dizzying loops and crosses. ''Where do we start?"

It was hard to answer himself. Everything to do with Sephiroth and Meteor seemed important, but what order did he have to tell it in for it to make sense? The order he'd discovered it (which had too many jump-backs and confusing twists even for _him_ , though it did explain things eventually) or should it be given as his visions revealed them - chronologically?

''Nowhere in particular," Genesis stated. ''It's hard to explain every moment in a person's life, after all. It's much easier to experience it for yourself. However, anything in a tangled mess is better than nothing at all.''

A moment of thought. ''It would be a good rule of thumb to assume the other has no planetary idea what you are talking about. Explaining even basic concepts will help get the story straight. Does that sound okay?"

Cloud honestly couldn't do much more than parrot what he hears and thinks in his visions (memories, according to Genesis), unable to understand things like Jenova and Reunion beyond his future-past self. Most things from his visions were like that; like an auto-translator for an unknown language in his head.

''I don't have any better ideas," Cloud admitted, earning a smirk from Genesis.

''That's settled, then. Need-to-know basis. What I need to know right now is how you feel, and if you're up for a shower and proper meal.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Genesis wants to show off his status as ''mysterious time traveler with knowledge he shouldn't have'' but Cloud is just ''okay but what does this have to do-"


End file.
